Monster

You are the one that I fear more than anything.

I used to be more afraid of losing you ... and everyone else that I love.

But now I wish you would just leave me alone.

You remind me of the monsters I used be afraid of when I was young, but unlike them... you are sadly real and did not fade into my memory with time.

I will never be enough for you.

Nothing I do is right in your eyes.

You are like a screaming alarm in my brain, pointing out everything I do wrong, every single day of my life.

I feel so useless and stupid around you.

You make me question my existence!!

You make me wish I had never been born.

You say you love me.... but I dont want your love anymore.

It used to be so important to me, your happiness and approval.

I used to want your praise and affection.

Then the only touch I got from you was a hard flat handed reminder.

Makeing sure I knew from you personally... that I will never live up to your expectations.

I do not know how to feel when I am around you now.

I dont know how to talk to you even when you are calm, cause with the slightest wrong turn of phrase, you will snap with out a second thought and another mark on me will be placed.

It doesn't matter what I do, what i say, who i am, or even where I go.

You are my anxiety, the living shadow, this overwhelming fog of depression and dark thoughts that I can never escape.

You are a monster.

And sadly I keep coming back to your cave.